Thursday, December 15, 2011

To Stay in Love or Give Up? Just a Couple of Thoughts Leaking...


Happy. Confused. Bitter. Resentment. Loved. Anger. Depressed. Crazy. Complete. Warm. Butterflies. Sad. Hate. Done. Crying.

This little four letter word L-O-V-E packs a big punch. All of the words above are the feelings and emotions I've had while dealing with love and I'm sure there are more and as I do the math, there are wayyyy more negative emotions and feelings than there are positive ones.

So why the hell do I or better yet ..why in the hell do WE deal with love?

I first fell in love at 14-years-old, little puppy love, and I do remember thinking love is crazy and that was 12 years ago!

As young girls we get this image in our heads that we're going to find our knight in shining armor, our one true love, our Prince charming and all that other bull crap we constantly see in movies which leaves us sitting there thinking: "man I wish I had a relationship like that" or "I wish that was me" ... or, am I the only one who thinks those things?

Then there is also a fear of being alone for the rest of our lives. People feel the need to connect with someone, they feel pressured by a certain age... "oh my gosh, I'm 30. I gotta get married and have a kid before I'm too old!" is what I've heard and read from women. 

And, if all of your friends are married and you're not, oh forget about it.

Why do you think Kim Kardashian really tried to make her marriage to Kris Humphries last and work? She knows she wasn't ready for marriage. But the big 3-0 hit her and she most likely felt the pressure to marry and she even talked about kids because she was getting old. One of her sisters is married and her best friend La La Anthony is married. So, its like this pressure, this want, this need to get married too.


I was listening to Marsha Ambrosius' song "Lose Myself" in which she sings, "I had to lose myself...so I could love you better...had to lose myself so I could make it better, lose myself in love, and that's just the way it is."

But this is the problem and although I love this song and Marsha, that shouldn't be just the way it is. Someone shouldn't have to lose their individuality when in love.

Why is it that people feel the need to change themselves for someone else, to please that person when sometimes you're not even pleasing yourself. AND, sometimes the person you're trying to please doesn't even appreciate it!

Relationships are in fact about compromise but someone who is your other half should accept you for the way you are and if they don't like it then move on.

It bothers me when a couple first starts dating then later on one of them is trying to change the other person. Didn't you meet that person that way and you used to be fine with it?

I also recently learned that it takes more than love to stay in a relationship. I used to think a couple of small white lies here or there and doing what I want wouldn't hurt. But small lies turn into big lies and doing what I wanted came in between me and the other person trying to become one. 


When I fall in love, I fall hard. So I thought giving all my love to a man would make him stay. But love is not just the top thing on the list. Relationships also need trust, and I learned this the hard way... but that's another long story.


A special someone told me his parents have been married for 30+ years and until today his parents are still working on their marriage. There isn't a day that goes by where this couple stops working on their relationship.... 30 years! 

This is a problem with a lot of couples, they give up without even realizing they did. 

Also, when in love, sometimes people get older and they just magically change. But when someone states the reason their relationship failed is because their significant other was not the same person they met, is it partly their fault as well?

I saw this comment on a blog and someone said, "people in love adapt and grow to small changes (personality quirks, looks, etc) but when big things change like, philosophies, values, etc., should that possibly be the end?"

The verdict: If love is causing you emotional stress, making you change the person you are or causing you to not follow your goals and dreams because you're holding back for somebody else: GIVE IT UP!

If I ever get married and have a daughter, I will not fill her head with all the lovey dovey crap that little girls think of. I will tell her honestly, love is hard, it is something that you need to be prepared for, you will probably get your heart broken at least once in your lifetime, not everyone finds their soulmate and true love and relationships are complicated.

Look, I'm not trying to scare off my future daughter from love but I don't want her day dreaming and thinking love is some pretty picture when it's not. 

So, don't wait around for that magical prince charming, he might not ever come.

Is that too negative? Too bad. I'm just letting my feelings out. I think I'm gonna listen to Rihanna's "I Hate How Much I Love You."

Peace. 

2 comments:

  1. I agree, you can love someone to death, but that doesn't mean yall should be together. You have to realize that love comes in all shapes and sizes and you need to recognize what kind of love you are holding onto. God knows what you need and what is best for you, so you should let him show you the way. I feel in the end, you are going to be where he wanted you to be, it's up to you to determine how you are going to get there.

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  2. Awesome words of advice Ms. BelievablyMe! Sometimes I just want to stay in my own bubble and block out love and men forever lol

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