Monday, September 17, 2012

Evelyn Lozada Talks About Chad Johnson and Digs Deep into the Root of Her Problem With Bad Relationships

Iyanla Vanzant and Evelyn Lozada
Reality star, Evelyn Lozada, sat down and talked to inspirational speaker, Iyanla Vanzant in New York City in the part 2 conclusion of Iyanla, Fix My Life on the OWN network.

Viewers got a real, deep look inside Evelyn's issues with men and the possible cause of why she acts out the way she does on Basketball Wives when she reached out to Iyanla. Iyanla walked Evelyn through taking a hard look at her true self after her marriage of 24 days to Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson wrapped up after an alleged domestic violence incident.


Iyanla visited Evelyn at her and Chad's Miami home 11 days before their wedding to talk about Evelyn's complicated reality life. Two and a half weeks later, Evelyn accused Chad of domestic abuse and filed for divorce. Iyanla then arrived in New York to talk with Evelyn again and figure out what Evelyn didn't tell her before.

RELATED POST: Chad Ochocinco Arrested For Allegedly Beating His Wife Evelyn Lozada

It's always said, people act the way they do because it stems back from their childhood. This in fact applies to Evelyn. 


Evelyn and Iyanla during Part I of the interview
Evelyn admitted that she possibly married Chad just to feel wanted and to prove that someone would marry her. She thought if she could make her relationship work with Chad, then she's worthy.

She said feeling the absence of her father and not having closure with it, contributes to her bad relationships with men. Evelyn is angry at her dad for not being there for her and she's mad at Chad for not being there for her in their marriage. Iyanla called it a pattern and told Evelyn when you don't deal with what is going on, it will keep going on.

At a young age, Evelyn never had true love from her father and she acted out by making all of the wrong choices. Evelyn said she acted out in "inappropriate ways" starting at the age of 15. Evelyn was promiscuous while looking for love in all the wrong places. 

Evelyn said her greatest fear was not being loved. Another fear of hers was for Chad and her ending up divorced like everyone else... a fear which is now a reality. 

Evelyn felt like she deserved to be treated this way... not being respected, in order for men to love her.

Iyanla said Evelyn takes her anger that she has for her father out on other women (which we've seen on Basketball Wives) which is safer than taking it out on a man. In doing this, this opens the door for men to be violent when they see the way Evelyn carries herself on reality television.

Just a couple of weeks after Evelyn and Chad's wedding, Evelyn accused Chad of cheating and is now in the middle of an alleged domestic abuse case.

Iyanla asked Evelyn how did she go from a "huge social network marriage" to stitches on her head?

"Not paying attention," Evelyn answered. "The main thing was ignoring the million and one signs. He showed me so many signs until the day of."

Evelyn explained what happened the day she got stitches on her head. She saw a receipt for a box of condoms in a bag of groceries in Chad's trunk. The date on the receipt showed the condoms were purchased three weeks after their wedding day. Evelyn thought since Chad was busy with training camp for football, he wasn't doing anything... but she was wrong.

Chad has previously said to Evelyn on a previous episode of Basketball Wives that being committed to one individual would be hard to him. Evelyn has even said she rather Chad be real with her and if he cheats, she wants to know what happens. She also told Chad if he got to a place where he's tempted to cheat, use a condom.

"He lives life in Chad's world and doesn't think about anything else," Evelyn said.

She said Chad was the one who wanted to get married and she thought he wasn't ready. Evelyn goes into graphic details while she confronted Chad about he condoms. She said he then grabbed her ears and headbutted her, blood started pouring down from her head. 

Evenly said she didn't care if their wedding was the laughing stock of the world, she refused to stay in a relationship and let a man do that to her. At first Evelyn said she was in shock when Chad headbutted and she remembers telling him repeatedly, "your daughter is in the house." Evelyn said Chad went into the house afterwards and Evelyn was left in the car afraid.

Iyanla asked what's the truth Evelyn didn't tell. Evelyn admitted she knew the entire time that Chad wasn't going to be faithful. Evelyn made it okay for Chad to behave that way and bring it into their marriage.

Since all of this has happened, Chad has been released from his former NFL team, the Miami Dolphins. Evelyn said she didn't want Chad to lose his job. 

Evelyn said she saw pictures of women and saw different people calling. She always addressed it with Chad and he always had a story. Evelyn ignored the infidelity clues and accepted inappropriate behavior from Chad. She was worried of what the world was going to think and she was being protective of her relationship. Now, she doesn't care if she loses it all, she just wants to be safe.

"I knew and I brushed it under the rug," Evelyn said. "It started eating at me and I started not trusting him at all."

She believes Chad was being intimate with other women while they were together and she married him anyway. 

Evelyn said she never raised her hand to Chad. She said what hurts her is people associating her ways on Basketball Wives and making Chad's actions alright.

"That behavior opened the door as an invitation for this kind of energy to be in your life," Iyanla told Evelyn. 

"You not only brought it to the set of Basketball Wives, you brought it into your marriage. You allowed the universe to believe that, that level of energy could exist."

Evelyn said sometimes when she confronted Chad, he would get mad and get up in her face, then she would leave the conversation alone. One time he threw her phone.

What was the breaking point for Evelyn and the deal breaker to her marriage with Chad?

When Chad hit her in the face, when she had visible wounds and had to go to the hospital. Iyanla said the problem was the invisible wounds before Chad hit Evelyn and messed up her image.

Iyanla showed Evelyn a scar that she has on her forehead and she said, "Nothing, no scar, no bruise even begins to address what I did to my soul."
Did you miss Evelyn Lozada on 'Fix My Life?'  Watch a short clip from the episode here!
Evelyn breaks down and hugs Iyanla

After part I of Evelyn's interview aired on Saturday, Evelyn went to Twitter to thank Oprah and Iyanla for allowing her story to be aired on the series premiere of Fix My Life. 

“Thank you @IyanlaVanzant for helping me to explore my issues. I'm grateful for your willingness to understand and help me grow.”

Evelyn is now moving forward with her life.

"When it comes to Chad, I didn't make the greatest decision," Evelyn admitted.

In conclusion, Evelyn said she realizes now she could never change Chad, that's just him. The night Chad allegedly headbutted her made her realize she's so much better than dealing with that. Evelyn said she feels like she's now starting over. Evelyn said she hasn't talked to Chad since the incident and doesn't want to talk to him.

"I don't think he's ready to hear what I have to say to him," Evelyn said. 

"I pray for him. He made a bad choice and he has things he needs to work on. He's not a bad person, he's not..."

Iyanla has words of advice for Evelyn and all women out there: "Train people how to treat you. Give yourself permission to know that your feelings matter."

Iyanla said, don't wait until you have a scar on your face. Make the choice to move on, heal and forgive so you can be in peace and not left in pieces.

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